Memories

Michael, the day you died marked the day I lost everything. March 12, 2010 marks the day of my new life. A life that left me lost, a life that left me knowing nothing not even myself, a life that hid all my memories except one: you're body lying hard as a rock on the beach. 

I don't want to remember because then everything will seem too real. I'm afraid of my tears, afraid of what I will discover, afraid to actually live the promise I made to you. 

Forgetting isn't easy. It's something that I didn't want to happen but it's my defense. My defense mechanism to keep all my memories locked away. For if they stay locked away then you'll be locked away in my heart and mind. That way, you'll always be mine and I'll always be yours. 

But my unknown decision came with a price. A price that hurts me more and more everyday. For, Michael, I can't feel you, can't feel your presence in my life, can't even feel you in my heart. 

For me, the war is over. It's decided. For now, I forget and await the day that I start remembering.

......

No fears and limitless, MHF