Grandma has died. But maybe you already know that. I'm not sure if I believe in Heaven but maybe your two souls have already connected. If they have, I am glad. I know you and Grandma had a special bond.
Death always has a way with humbling me even more. No matter the circumstance, death is never easy to deal with. I know that it's part of life, but it's a part of life that never gets easier.
With the death of Grandma, I immediately think of you. Feelings of intensely missing you have come fleeting back to me. It's as if you just died yesterday instead of 10.5 years ago. While my life has moments of being "normal", it will never be the same without you in it. I hope you know that.
As ashamed that I am to admit this, I am jealous of Grandma. She lived a long, full, and loving life. She was ready to leave this earth. But most importantly, I know in some way she is with you. Despite everything that I've overcome and have accomplished in life, being with you is still where I want to be the most.
Of course, writing those words automatically makes me feel guilty. With little Richard Michael on the way, I know that I have many more years to live my life. I don't want him to ever feel like I don't want to live. He is such a blessing, and I know in my heart that both him and my husband will keep me going. They will be my rock during these difficult times. But at the same time I cannot lie to myself, I don't know if it would ever be too early to leave this earth.
Until then, I'll be connecting with you, Grandma, and all of our loved ones through one of my favorite songs:
