Alone and Lost

Until your death, I didn't realize how alone I truly was. Or maybe I did but our connection was so strong that it didn't matter. As long as I had you, it didn't matter who else was in my life. Now that you are gone, Michael, I realized the relationships I was in. They were toxic. I discovered that I am the one helping, saving, and encouraging. But where's my help? My savior? My encouragement?

When you died, I snapped. I gave up some toxic relationships but not all. I thought that your death woke me up. It did in some ways but now I am reverting back to my old ways. I am giving in to my need to help, save, and encourage. But this time it's different. It's not as fulfilling. In fact, it makes me so incredibly lonely. More lonely than I've ever been before.

But I don't know how to stop. I don't think I will find anyone who is like me. I am destined to always be deeper than everyone. 

Knowing this makes it hard. I feel as if I can't open up, unleash my feelings, show my true colors for fear that no one can handle it. I am convinced that I am alone thus making me a different person than who I am in my core.

Michael, all I truly want is for someone to recognize that even though I may be hard on others, hard on myself, and hard to love. I need it the most. For I truly believe that love conquers all.

I just need the right person to come along, push me into letting them in, and show me that I'm not alone. Show me that there is another out there who is as deep as I am.

Until that day...

No fears and limitless, MHF