Michael, as easy as that sounds it has been a struggle my entire life. I am not entirely sure why I have never allowed myself to truly be in the moment. What I do know is that it took me 20 years to finally reach the point of waiting to feel alive. And as you know that day was the worst day of our life, my life.
Since that fateful day, I have either lived in the past or tried to control and predict my future. Never truly being present, I put up walls and boundaries so that I would not feel. For what would happen when I truly felt alive again? Who would die this time? What would happen to me? What would happen to us?
Excitement; no one; rejuvenated; nothing - that's what would happen. And how do I know that Michael? This past weekend I lived in the moment, I went with the flow, I truly allowed myself to feel alive.
While this fear of mine has consumed my life, forcing me to into a lonely, depressed state, I should have feared nothing. I should have trusted you, should have trusted me, should have trusted our connection.
Michael, I am not saying from here on out that my days will be easy, happy, or momentous. I know that I have plenty of dark days a head of me, plenty of days where I will feel alone and depressed, plenty of days where I will long to be with you. But, hopefully, I will conqueror those days with a new vigor. Hopefully, I will remember how truly magical it is to be fully present. Hopefully, I will find many more days where I am filled with your spirit.
No fears and limitless, MHF
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