I knew that moving to Florida would not be easy, in fact, that is one of the main reasons why I wanted to move here. I knew that in order for me to grow professionally and personally, I needed to face my fears, needed to start over, needed to feel you again. Since I lost you in Michigan, I knew that you had to be waiting for me in Florida. I just had a feeling that Florida was the answer that I had been waiting for.
I was both right and wrong.
I need to be in Florida in order to move forward but no one told me that moving forward was going to be this hard and lonesome. My every thought and sleepless nights are plagued with feelings of guilt, hurt, and longing. I cry myself to sleep and torture myself during the day all the while I put on a facade. For no one knows of my true pain. No one knows that I am just now starting to grieve the loss of you.
Despite it all, Michael, I am having the time of my life. With a new job along with my new found friends, I am learning that I am not alone in the world. For the longest time I have struggled with finding others as deep as us. I almost gave up hope. But everyone that I have met seem to be honest, open, and looking for a deeper connection. It is refreshing as I feel like I finally fit in. But at the same time, I am scared. What happens if I accidentally replace you with one of them? What happens when I lose sight of us? What happens when you are truly gone from my life?
Clinging to the past is where I find my peace. Reliving each wonderful memory stirs me up until I can feel whole again, until I feel the you in me. And in those moments all I can think is that...
No fears and limitless, MHF
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