There are days when I look back in time and wonder what life would have been like for you. Had you survived, where would you be now? Had you survived, where would we both be? Had you survived, would you be happy?
Had you survived and I died, would you miss me as much as I miss you? Had you survived and I died, would your heart be as broken as mine? Had you survived and I died, would your life, goals, and dreams have crumbled never to be what they once were?
Had we both died, it would have ended the world for our family and friends. Had we both died, nothing would seem fair. Had we both died, life wouldn't exist as it did before.
But I survived.
Typing those three words, even saying those words is very hard. It took me three years to admit the truth. I still don't want to believe and accept it, Michael, but those words define my life, define me. Knowing I will never understand why, knowing I have to accept my fate before I can accept yours makes me want to run from the painful truth.
But knowing my heart is yours, knowing my love for you is strong gives me hope and strength to accept my survival.
No fears and limitless, MHF
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