To Live is To Lose

As I embark on a once in a lifetime adventure, I can't help but pause and think about you. What adventure do you have in front of you? What adventure did we have in front of us? If everything went according to plan that fateful day, where would we be? Where would you be? Where would I be?

The thoughts of our future, the future we should have shared together, saddens my heart. Why did life have to turn out like this? Why did I survive? Why did I survive without you?

If you hadn't turned away from me that day, would life have turned out the way that I wanted? If it had would I be as satisfied as I think I would have been? Or am I just imagining that life would have been perfect with you, with us together? 

All I know is that life without you, knowing that you are in a better place without me, is slowly eating away at my soul. Maybe if I hadn't been so caught up in the future, our present would have been so much more magical. Maybe if I hadn't been caught up in the past, I could have lived moment to moment with you. Now, I will never know, 

Once mine, I have now lost you. The memories of our love, our life, our connection pains me. Our future would have been perfect, we would have been perfect. Obviously life had other plans for you, for me, for us. Now, I sit here and ponder what I could have done, what I could have said to ensure that we stayed together forever. 

And as much as I wish I had never known you, as much as I wish that I was crazy in thinking of the connection we shared, I know what we had. While that doesn't make my feelings easier to overcome, at least I know that once upon a time, my soul was happy. And once more my soul will be happy, it just may take a while.

No fears and limitless, MHF