Not all those who wander...

Michael, there is a famous quote that begins with "not all those who wander...", I'm sure that you know the rest. This famed quote has been on my mind lately. Why do you ask?

Because I find it inspirational.

Because it gives me clarity. 

Because I am a wanderer.

This last fact is hard for me to admit. As you know, Michael, our entire life I have had everything planned and controlled. Everything that I do is strategic, for everything that I do has a purpose. You were the exact opposite. 

When you died, we were both going through transitions. Just ending our junior year of college, we had the world as our oyster. Plagued with questions about our past and future, we were just figuring everything out. We were just babies. 

But everything changed the day you died, the day that I almost died. My planned life was no longer planned. My control ceased to exist. Everything that I knew, including you, was gone. Or so I thought...

Always scared that the uncertainty we had and felt growing up would hinder me, I lost my true self. I got caught up in trying to predict and plan the future that I never truly lived in the moment. It wasn't until the day that you died where I truly let my guard down. That day was the first day where I let my worries and fears fade, for that day was meant for us to spend in bliss.

Ever since that fateful day I thought that I had lost you, lost us, for I was still trying to control everything. It wasn't until a friend recently reminded me: "not all those who wander are lost", where everything clicked. 

I had become a wanderer. 

Scared that my life was leading me down a path that I wanted no part of, I didn't know what to do. After a few days, I received clarity. Michael, I haven't lost you. I haven't lost us. I, in fact, have found you, I have found the you in me. 

Always having a gypsy soul and the need to wander, Michael, you have been my inspiration. I have always fought as hard as I could, not realizing my true destiny. Nowhere near where I thought my life would be, I am learning to embrace the wanderer in me. For I know that all of my dreams will eventually come true. 

But I can rest assured because now, I know that we are wandering together. 

No fears and limitless, MHF