It wasn't until this return trip to Michigan where I have realized the full force and depth of my love for you. I will always think of you, will always want you by my side, always long for you, always feel you in my heart just like I know you would do the same for me. But something inside of me has switched.
I am no longer afraid. Thinking of everything that I have overcome and still need to overcome has overwhelmed me from the day you died. Coming to terms with your death and finally admitting that you are dead, that this isn't a dream, that I'll never see you again has finally happened. This acceptance, something that I've dreaded and have been afraid of as I thought that it would literally rip me to shreds, has finally snuck up on me and arrived. I am not sure when I reached this point but instead of my heart breaking all over again, I feel free.
Losing you completely, the pain of my breaking and aching heart, the long road to recovery now seems all bearable. My fears have been pushed aside. For I know that the love we shared, the love I had for you and the love you had for me, was real, honest, and pure. Soulmates from the start, we captured each others hearts not knowing the journey that lay ahead of us. It has not been easy but it has helped shaped us, helped shaped me. It's the memories, the way you made me feel, and the endless love I have for you that makes this new found acceptance manageable. Despite the fact that it's easier than I expected, I know that I'll still be plagued with days of sadness, loss, and hurt. I always will and I wouldn't have it any other way. But it's my love for you that makes everything okay.
Michael, it is time that I thank you. I have treasured every single gift you have given me but this courage is the most precious of all...
No fears and limitless, MHF
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