Certain Kind of Darkness

Michael, nothing pisses me off more when people complain. It's such a selfish act and selfishness is one trait that I absolutely cannot stand. Maybe it's because I am always putting others before me, maybe it's because we were raised in such a giving home, maybe it's because there is so much more to life than one horrible mistake. Either way, this is one trait that will make me stray, for it is against my morals to surround myself with selfish people.

One trait that I have been blessed with is my compassion and empathy. I love other people. One way I show this love is by helping and listening. I am a constant, a rock. I am someone that others come to when they need comforting. This is where my blessing becomes a curse. For it is in these moments where I truly understand the depth of a person.

After you died Michael, I became a selfish person. For I knew that instead of going on with my life, I had to move back to Michigan and face the end of yours. For me there was no other way, no other choice. I had to deal with the fact that you died and I survived. With this selfishness came zero compassion. For how can one think their life is over because they cheated on a test, had a bad first date, overdrew their bank account?!

With my zero compassion came a tolerance. I understand that others aren't as deep as I am. They haven't experienced a full life that I already have at the age of 23. They have not had to witness the trauma and tragedy that I have. Without these experiences how are they to know that with joy comes sorrow, with darkness comes light, with nightmares come fantasies?

Michael, my world is now darkened. The loss of you has changed me into a person that I don't recognize. But your death has also brought me the stars. For I find myself opening up. My walls are coming down. I feel like for the first time I am experiencing what you experienced. I am turning into you, an honor and wish I thought would never come true. For you are my shining star and are guiding me through the night of life.

No fears and limitless, MHF