"I tell him that 'I'm still here.'"
But Michael, I am still trying to find you.
With less than a month to the fifth anniversary of your death, I made it back to the cemetery. And as I stood there in the snow, it hit me. While friends and family give comfort with thoughts of still being there for you, I am consumed with trying to find you.
From Michigan to Florida, all I want is to find you, the you that is in me. And while I have grown to love Florida and the experiences that have shaped my life here, I'm just lonely. This unwavering love of mine is plagued with loneliness.
The feelings of being near to you at your grave and in Rochester led me to wander into a story called Wanderlust. While there, the song that we played at your funeral suddenly turned on. Not having heard it since that fateful day, I was awestruck. I don't believe in signs but that coincidence was just too great.
While I sit here back in Florida with tears in my eyes, I am realizing that somehow that was you. But if it was, what were you trying to tell me? Was it a sign that you are in fact always with me? Was it a sign that was meant to give me hope? Was it a sign to help wash away my wandering? Whichever it may be, I am learning to find you through my loneliness.
From Michigan to Florida, all I want is to find you, the you that is in me. And while I have grown to love Florida and the experiences that have shaped my life here, I'm just lonely. This unwavering love of mine is plagued with loneliness.
The feelings of being near to you at your grave and in Rochester led me to wander into a story called Wanderlust. While there, the song that we played at your funeral suddenly turned on. Not having heard it since that fateful day, I was awestruck. I don't believe in signs but that coincidence was just too great.
While I sit here back in Florida with tears in my eyes, I am realizing that somehow that was you. But if it was, what were you trying to tell me? Was it a sign that you are in fact always with me? Was it a sign that was meant to give me hope? Was it a sign to help wash away my wandering? Whichever it may be, I am learning to find you through my loneliness.
I guess, I'm still trying to find myself too.
No Fears and Limitless, MHF
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